The reason why I am taking you on this journey with me and sharing my weekly progress on the blog is simple - I need some support and encouragement. I have support from my family obviously, but after finding out that people are laughing at me behind my back and doubting my ability to lose weight, I am so ready to prove them wrong! Obviously, I am doing it for myself and for health reasons, but I cannot wait to see their jaws drop.
Believe it or not, some people think that it's ok to suggest weight loss surgery to me! WTF? Seriously? Think before you speak! I hate the fact that gastric sleeves and other options are considered a normal solution these days, even for people like me, who are perfectly capable of losing weight the healthy way, longs they have support and are actually in the right place mentally. Overeating and eating disorders won't be cured by weight loss surgery. Most people who had it done put the weight back on! Plus the way it ruins your health is far worse than being a size 20. So a BIG FAT NO to weight loss surgery being almost a trend. It is not ok! I want to inspire people to lose weight with healthy eating and exercise. I am actually confused about the criteria for weight loss surgery and how readily available it became, but that's a subject for a separate blog post.
I mentioned my weight loss history in the past, but I never really talked about my struggle with eating disorders. It is super personal to me and I have tried to write about it in full so many times, but I end up breaking down in tears every single time and I don't really know how my mum will feel reading about it all. It would probably break her heart. I can't even imagine my daughter going through the things I went through as a teenager.
I attempted writing about my eating disorders today again, but I just can't stop crying when I think about it. My husband is the only person who knows absolutely everything about my struggles and I just sat on the floor in tears, while he listened to me for the 100th time.
While battling eating disorders, I kept losing 30lbs and then putting it back on for a good few years. Until my 20ties, I have never been bigger than a size 14, usually a 12 at 5ft 7 which is perfectly fine, yet I was still being bullied and called fat. Poland is terrible for fat shaming!
When I was 19, I travelled to UK to work for the Summer before I started university and for some reason I managed to gain a lot of weight, which continued to pile on once I was at uni. I think it was caused by the contraceptive pill I was on. I remember going from a size 12 to an 18 within 5 months and I was devastated. It was New Year's Eve and I decided that enough was enough and I will lose weight and go back to a size 12.
My eating disorders took over my life, combined with daily exercise and taking fat burners and I lost 70lbs in 4 months! I looked great and once the weight was off, I kept it off for a year. I put on about 10lbs back, but that was it, till I got the contraceptive implant. Oh my god... I put the 60lbs back on in no time! It didn't agree with me at all. It made me super bitchy as well.
New Year resolutions seem to be a reoccurring theme and yet again, I decided to lose the weight and go from an 18 to a 12. This time, Scott and I were engaged and I was going to be a bride in 4 months time! This time round, I was so busy working, that I managed to lose 60lbs in 16 weeks which is around 3-4lbs per week. I ate small portions and exercised, walked a lot and worked in a psychically demanding job, so the weight fell off, without my demons coming back.
As I dropped the weight so quickly for the wedding, as soon as I started eating normally again, I put 30lbs back on between May and August!!!! In September, I fell pregnant and that was it, I gained sooo much weight!
After having Zac and coming back home from the hospital, I was 50lbs heavier than when I fell pregnant and since then I never really went back to a size 12 again. The smallest I have been after kids is a 16/18 and for the past 4 years, I have been going from a size 20/22 in Winter to a 16/18 in Summer. Losing and gaining 30-40lbs like a yo-yo. EVERY damn year!
When I was pregnant the second time, I was a size 20. I gained about 10lbs in total during that pregnancy, most of it while in the hospital being pumped with IV fluids when I went into labour at 34 weeks. 2 weeks after delivering Mia, I was 30lbs lighter than before falling pregnant. All that thanks to healthy eating and minimal exercise. Unfortunately, my appetite became extreme when I started breastfeeding and I put the 30lbs back on within 8 months, while lounging on the sofa with a baby glued to me.
Thankfully, becoming a mum changed me mentally and my eating disorders became history and I have been in recovery for over 5 years now which is great. I had problems with binge eating and yo-yo dieting a couple of times between my two pregnancies, but I am now in a great place mentally.
For the first time in my life, I couldn't care less about the way I look and I accepted my size. I am the biggest I have ever been in my life (size 20/22), yet I am the happiest. I am not losing weight to look a certain way or be a certain size. I am doing it to be healthier, fitter and to possibly prolong my life. I don't have any health problems at the moment and I feel great, but I am not sure how will the extra weight affect me in the years to come, so it has to go.
I know I can do it. I love healthy food, I like exercise. The only 2 things I have to do are: portion control and avoiding junk. No more 500ml tubs of Haagen Dazs for me, or a pizza at midnight. We got a treadmill as well and it will be a huge help. I will also be seeking help from a dietitian and I will be seeing my doctor regularly for check-ups etc, as I want to make sure I am fine along the way.
Sooo, here I am, 2 weeks into my journey and 7lbs lighter already. I will be updating you every Sunday from now on and I couldn't be more excited! I am hoping to share before photos and my progress once I am halfway there, or at least 30lbs lighter, so watch this space :) I am sharing my meals on my instagram food account theblackpearlbfood, so you can follow me there :)
7 lbs gone
93 lbs to go
Wish me luck.